On My Own

Today, I was supposed to make a major life decision. I've always dreamed of getting my own house - where I can paint whatever color I wanted to and whenever I feel like doing so. A house where I can hold home-cooked dinners, perhaps get another dog for Yoda and do my Vinyasas in the morning.

All these I was very excited and hopeful for, until you snapped me back to reality. You told me to create a plan for my future and write it down.

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But didn't you know how I have also dreamed of including you in my future? How, in my mind, I wake up in the morning with your kisses, I'd prepare us coffee and breakfast and you'd drive us to work. And at the end of the day, we'll have our little dinner dates - maybe go home to our kids and help them with their homework. Yes, all these I have dreamed of my future. Of my tomorrow. With you.

February 16 2015. You asked me why we didn't meet much earlier - when things can still become how we want them to happen today. When I would be the one walking down the aisle in and get drunk in our own fun and funky wedding.

After that, I have stopped myself from thinking much about my future. I never had any vision anymore of becoming a wife and a mother, having a family. My tomorrows now belong to Yoda - my teammate. I have realized that I will be on my own. Yes, I love you that much that I have stopped thinking about how else will my life be without you. I will be alone and become a crazy dog person. I will be by my own self taking care of Yoda.

That is why I really wanted to get that condo unit - to have something for myself. Something I can call my own.